Work:
I got an email from work. I get an interview. It's scheduled for tomorrow at 2:30.

Christmas List:
+Autumn - partial, lost part of gift u_u
Bill - DONE
!Cindy - ??
*Crystal - supplies aquired (requires construction)
+Dan M. - ordered
+Dan P. - partial, lost part of gift u_u
Dorothy - DONE
Eli - DONE
+Eric - partial
Ezra - DONE
!Gamera - ??
*Grandpa - idea only
Ivan - DONE
Jack - DONE
Jamie - DONE
*Jessica - supplies aquired (requires construction)
John - DONE
JR - DONE
+Keith - partial (first part ordered)
Layla - DONE
Lori - DONE
Mackenzie - DONE
+Mom - partial
+Ozymandias - partial, supplies for second part aquired (requries construction)
*Patty - idea only
*Rachel - supplies aquired (requires construction)
+Rorschach - partial, supplies for second part aquired (requires construction)
!Terry - ??
!Todd - ??

Today at work, an e-mail was sent out to the entire office that basically said "Good news! We're going to open up a new full-time Records Assistant position to replace the two part-time hourly Records Assistant positions! The two hourly positions will be eliminated in December!" Guess who's one of the hourly Records Assistants.

At first glance, one might think "Oh good, they made your position full-time!" but that's not exactly what that means. What it does mean is that I'm essentially out of a job in December. I can certainly apply for the full-time position, but there's no guarantee that I'll get it. I know of at least two other people in the Registrar's office who will be applying for the position, and they've both been holding positions at the university longer than I have. One of them has even been working in the registrar's office for years already. Full-time positions at the university are few and far between, so they're going to be getting a LOT of applicants for this one.

So I guess I'll apply for my job again, and maybe if I'm lucky they'll hire me again. In the mean time, I'll start sending out applications like a crazy person for anything for which I'm even remotely qualified. Hopefully I won't have to spend another month out of work, because I blew all my savings paying a month's worth of bills the last time lost my job.

Funny thing is, when the Registrar hired me, they told me it was a permanent hourly position. Lying bastards.

Work is going pretty well. I've mostly been doing a lot of filing and validation stuff. It's all a bunch of lack-luster grunt work, but I seem to be pretty efficient at it. They're gradually teaching me more and more stuff, but right now they're so far behind on filing and validation that they're just letting me do that for now. I've been bringing ELI (my mp3 player) to work with me, so I can listen to a little music while I'm pouring over mountains of paperwork. No complaints, really. Sure, it's dull, but I have plenty of crap to do, so I don't have time to get bored, and I don't have do deal with customers or sell crap. And I get a bit of exercise walking to and from work every day (it's about a 2 2/3 mile round trip).

ALSO! As I mentioned before, I HAVE MY OWN DESK! And I did indeed bring some crap from home to personalize my little space. X3

( My desk! )

So yeah. I got a job finally. I had many interviews and many rejections, but the university Registrar's Office offered me a part-time hourly position as a records assistant. It's only 20 hours a week, but my wage is an entire $1.50 an hour more than I was making at the bank. AND I have a freaking DESK! MY DESK! And I get to SIT! OMFG! And it's only about a mile away, so I can walk there and not have to worry about trying to park downtown. So YAY! I just started yesterday, and so far it's not so bad. A lot of sorting/alphabetizing/filing paperwork, but once I'm in the computer system properly, I'll be doing data entry and stuff. Weee. At least I have an income now. I can continue saving up money so I can MOVE.

Jess is getting fed up with the living arrangements, so she's determined that we move in April regardless of whether or not we have enough saved up to move to California. So, I guess we'll have our own place somewhere around April or May. Still going to save up to move to California, though. If it starts looking like it's going to take longer than a year, I'll just vacation there again in the mean time. Stupid month without work really set me back. XP Anyway, I have a job again, and I'm back on track. Soon as I start receiving paychecks again. That'll be a few weeks. Bleh. Maybe now I can stop stressing out during my down-time and do something fun or creative when I'm not at work. That'll be nice. ^_^

Sooo, it's been a while since I've posted. Guess I should update. I've put in a bunch more applications since my last post. I've also had some rejections. I didn't get that bank job I was freaking out about a few posts ago, which is a relief, but it's still annoying that I've been without a job for nearly a month. I had a interview at the airport today! That seemed to go pretty well! The people were really nice, and the job sounds great. The lady interviewing showed me showed me around the office and chatted with me a bit. She said she could tell I was bashful but that I had a great smile, and she was all excited that I drove in in a mustang. She said her first car was a mustang and she'd always liked them, and she asked if she could have a look at mine, so we went outside and I introduced her to Jack. She fawned over him a bit, which I'm sure he enjoyed. Anyway they said I was clearly qualified and they seemed to like me, but they had 35 applicants for the position, so I guess I'll just see what happens. I hope I get it. I'd be making more than I was making at the bank. I most likely won't hear anything for a couple of weeks, though.

Rachel's wedding is this weekend, and I have most of the stuff I need to make the groom's cake. I'm more concerned about the wedding cake, though, which is Jess's responsibility. It's going to be a hell of a lot of work frosting and decorating that thing. I'll do my best to help. I need to go out tomorrow and get some red food coloring paste so I can make frosting roses for the wedding cake. I also have to finish buying and preparing things for the groom's cake. We'll have to get up stupid-early on Saturday to go get the cakes to the locations and get them all assembled. It's gonna' be nuts.

Today was just one huge crap of a wasted day. I slept a bit later than I meant to, but that wasn't that bad. I was up and about by 10:30, anyway. Then I returned a phone call for yet another bank, and they told me that they received my resume and wanted me to come in and fill out an application. So I wasn't in a huge hurry. I ate breakfast and checked my e-mail and all that fun stuff, and mom called (she calls practically once an hour if she knows someone is home). Anyway, since there was nothing really to do around the house and I've been going nuts not having anything to do, she told me I should work on some of my little projects (painting my action figures, making fail-tastic attempts at various writing and art projects, etc.) since I once again will find myself with no time to do those things once I manage to get a new job. I thought that was nice, since I've been avoiding doing those things and trying to do practical things around the house instead (cleaning, cooking, etc.), since I'm home all day while everyone else is at work, earning a living and all that. I worry that my many house-mates will come home from long arduous work days, tired and frustrated from dealing with their respective crappy and abusive jobs, and find me sitting around the house having spent the entire day screwing around, relaxing, and generally doing nothing of any value. I can't handle it. Just the thought of relaxing and enjoying my forced leisure time while everyone else has to work at jobs that make them miserable makes me feel guilty and useless. But mom knows that it's driving me crazy and making me miserable, and that I'm doing everything I can to try to get another job, so she sort of tried to convince me that it's okay to relax and enjoy my time off instead of stressing about being useless, so long as I'm still making my best effort to find a new job.

So after that, I got kind-of excited about the prospect of working on my various creative projects. In particular, I was all jazzed to work on my stupid fanfic. I just had to fill out and turn in a couple of applications, then I could relax a bit. I was about to head out to pick up applications when I got a text from Jess saying she was going to come home for lunch, so I decided to hang around a bit longer so I could see her. So I sat on the couch to wait at about 11:30 and ended up falling asleep. I woke up a bit after 1:00 and she still hadn't come home. So then I got all pissed at myself for wasting an entire hour and a half of my day. I decided I didn't have time to waste sitting around waiting for her any longer, so I just texted her to tell her I had errands to run and left.

I went to the bank and picked up that application and went a few blocks down the street to mom's office to fill it out. She bought me a Starbucks and helped me fill out my application, since it was a particularly long and detailed one, and a little over an hour later I finally got it done and took it back to turn it in. Then I went to another place that was advertising a position open in the paper and picked up an application and took it home to fill out. It was also ridiculously tedious, and it even had a freaking test on the back of it to make sure I could do math and alphabetize stuff. Anyway, the up shot is that by the time I finished turning in applications (for jobs that in all likelihood won't even be calling me for an interview) and got home, it was after 4:30 and people were starting to come home from work, so I ended up wasting my entire day doing tedious and annoying crap I didn't want to do. Except, unlike everyone else in my house, I didn't get paid for it.

So I was all pissy and foul-tempered for most of the day. Autumn invited us to hang out and play video games, which would have been fun, but I was too cranky to really want to inflict my presence on any more people than necessary. And I didn't feel motivated to really do anything or go anywhere, so I just let Jess decide how we were going to spend our evening. She opted to go see G.I. Joe at 7:40 with a friend of hers from work, because it's his birthday today, and he didn't have anyone to go see the movie with him and she felt bad for him. So whatever. I always like a movie with ninjas in it. Though, ultimately, I just wish I knew someone who owned a punching bag, because I feel like the most satisfying way to end my day would have been to beat the ever-lovin' hell out of an inanimate object until I was too tired to stand.

Also, I forgot to eat for most of the day. I ate breakfast, and then I just completely forgot about eating until we were heading to the movie and I caught a whiff of grilled seafood as we passed Red Lobster and I suddenly became aware that my stomach had been churning and aching for most of the day. So when we got to the theater I ravenously stuffed my face with popcorn and diet soda and only succeeded in making myself ill from the "butter" topping on the popcorn. Yaaay, nutrition.

Now that I've ranted myself out, I'm going to bed in the hopes that tomorrow won't be as stupid and pointless as today has been. Jack is due for another wash. I don't know how he manages to get dirty so fast with how little I actually drive him. He's over due for a wax, too, so maybe I'll do that if I'm feeling particularly industrious and energetic. At least I'll feel like I accomplished something.

So, I've been unemployed since the end of my shift on Friday. I've put in close to 20 applications since the 28th of July, and I've only gotten one call back. I had a phone interview with Irwin Union Financial Corporation this morning at 9:00. It lasted about an hour, and apparently I managed to schmooze and say enough of the things that they wanted to hear because I have an in-person interview on Friday at 9:00. Seconds after confirming the second interview and hanging up the phone I essentially burst into tears. I do NOT. WANT. THAT. JOB. The more the lady interviewing me on the phone talked about it, the more I thought "Oh hell, please, God, I don't wanna' do this..." From the description, it's basically a teller position, except that they have a lot higher sales/customer interaction expectations than the bank where I worked previously. Where as the old bank had monthly sales goals, this one has weekly sales goals. And they expect me to profile customers and call them at home to try to sell them on stupid-ass investment banking products and all this crap. AND I would be making the exact same wage as I was making at the previous bank. It's hard to explain, but essentially it sounds like one of the most unpleasant jobs I can think of. To be honest, I would personally rather spend all day shoveling elephant crap than be a freaking telemarketer for a bank. I hate sales, I hate talking on the phone, and I hate banking IhatebankingIhatebankingohGODIHATEBANKING!!! But as much as I seriously don't want this job or anything to do with it, it seems like I have a good chance of actually getting it. And I need a job. So I have to try to get it, because it's my best opportunity and I would be an ungrateful jackass not to take it. So I'll go to my interview on Friday, slap on an idiot smile, and tell them whatever it seems like they want to hear. Because I need a job. No matter how much I don't want it. I put in a few other applications today, though. I just hope I'll get a few more calls...

On a side note, I managed to clean my room. And I seem to have strained muscles in my back in the process. Then Jess and I went to Autumn's for dinner and a work-out session. Now all my muscles feel like limp noodles, and my back is killing me. Starting to feel a bit better, though, now that I've iced it down and taken some painkillers. I hoped to get some writing done today, but I spent most of the day freaking out and delivering resumes. Whatever. Maybe tomorrow... I'm gonna' rest my back now.

Crystal: *coming in through the back door* Hey, did you need this blender back in the house?
Me: Blender?
Jess: You mean the mixer that caught on fire?
Crystal: What!? It caught on fire!?
Me: Oh yeah... I broke the hand mixer. Mom put it on the back step.
Crystal: You were mixing SO HARD-CORE you caught the mixer on fire!?
Jess: You're my favorite. You're my new hero. *hugs*


My last day of work is tomorrow. I made cookies.

I am officially out of a job now. Ryan pulled me into this office shortly after we opened and told me that we got mystery shop scores, and I had one that was unsatisfactory. So that's it. Zero-tolerance-probationary-whatever has been violated, and I'm done. Ryan gave me the option to resign, though, rather than be fired. So I tendered my resignation today. He said I could have until the 31st to find a new job.

Ryan looked like he was gonna' cry. I know he really didn't want to have that conversation with me. He really put himself out trying to keep me around. If it weren't for the fact that he likes me so much and he knew that I was really trying, then I woulda' been outta' there a long time ago. It's the dealing-with-the-customers bit. I'm too shy. It's not like I'm rude to them, I just get nervous around strangers and stuff, and I'm quiet and withdrawn when they really want me to be super chatty and outgoing. So that's it, ultimately. I have been praised repeatedly for my efficiency, diligence, accuracy, punctuality, work ethic, determination, etc. but I'm lost my job because I'm too shy and quiet. What ever. I'm sure if it were entirely up to Ryan, I wouldn't have lost my job. He said he would write me a letter of recommendation and that someone will be very lucky to have me as an employee.

So I spent a good portion of the day crying, and I had to write a letter of resignation and all that stupid crap. WTF ever.

Now I'm gonna' go out and get drunk with Jess and Tom and his girlfriend, and we're gonna' go to the midnight release of Harry Potter. And I have opening shift tomorrow, but I don't care. I'll go in there all sleep deprived and hungover and pissy. What are they gonna' do, fire me? Psh.

OKAY! So we had our VACATION last week! I'm well overdue posting an update about it. I'll try to give a decent run-down, even though I'll probably forget a great deal of the details.

Sunday we got to California at around 7:30 and Holly and Ellen met us at the airport! 8D We had a hard time finding each other, though. We kept calling each other and Holly was like "What can you see? What does the sign above you say?" and I was like "The sign says 'Northwest!' The only thing I see is the underside of an overpass! There are '2's' everywhere!" But anyway, we eventually found one another, then we loaded up and wet to pick of Shannon, and headed to In 'n' Out burger for dinner. THEN! We went to this place that sold nom-tastic ice cream cookie sandwiches, and we saw Prime and Bumblebee! They were parked outside! I only had my phone with me, but I got some pics of them! XD Then we dropped off Shannon and met her awesome kitty, and then dropped off Ellen and met Skip and their awesome kitty, and got hooked up with FREE COMICS! XD Bizarre New World! Autographed and everything! X3 I haven't gotten a chance to read them yet. Haven't gotten a chance to read much of anything lately. x_x; But I very much look forward to it. It looks like it's made of WIN! X3 Then we headed back to Holly's place to settle in for the week, and Holly gave us our belated Christmas gifties! She got us each a pretty journal (Jess got a pretty blue one with handmade paper I think, and I got a nifty red one with a lock!) and 2 pairs of awesome earrings. Holly has excellent taste in earrings. X3 She also gave me some adorable li'l mini skateboards and tiny ceramic vases, and a li'l ceramic bathtub fulla' li'l soap and lotion and stuff. Wee!!! XD

Monday we got up pretty early, and Holly showed us around some. We hit two malls and two comic book stores. I got a couple of comics to fill gaps in my collection, and also the second volume of the DC Martian Manhunter Showcase. We also went to some other fun shopping destinations, like Frys and a spiffy little doll/dollhouse shop. ^_^ Then we met up with Ellen and went to Little Tokyo and had ramen and saw lots of nifty Japanese/import shops! XD I got some paper strips for making origami stars, and this set of hilariously obviously unlicensed Transformers stickers that go on a computer keyboard. X3 Now Yamamoto-san has colorful robot stickers on his keys. ^_^

Tuesday we got up around 9:30-ish and Ellen came over around 10:00-ish and we went to Arboretum! We hung out there for a while and had a lovely little bento picnic that Ellen made for us. Then Ellen took some graduation photos of Holly, and we took some pics of our TF boys. I took many pics of Magnus and Holly's Bumblebee. I was trying to take a pick of them on a precarious ledge, but accidentally dropped 'Bee in the sludge-water! D8 We gave him a bath later, though. X3 Then we went to the Arclight theater and saw Bumblebee, Sideswipe, Ironhide, and Optimus! They were all at the theater, and we took several pics of them. I will have to post them later. Then we left for a bit, and came back to catch the midnight showing of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen! Michael Bay was there, and that was exciting! The movie was okay. I really wanted some more substance. Like character development with the robots and stuff. But it was about what I expected. I may see it again.

Wednesday we hit the comic book store again! I picked up the new Star Trek: Mission's End comic, and Holly got the new All Hail Megatron comic! I read it and I was like "WHAAAT!? O_O" But then that seems to be how I've reacted to almost every issue of All Hail Megatron. I'm anxious for the Coda issues now. MORE NON-MOVIE-BASED TRANSFORMERS COMICS PLEASE! Anyway, after all that we went to Hollywood! We saw the walk of fame and all that, and went to the Chinese Theater! It was pretty freaking awesome. There were lots of interesting shops around there, too. There was one where you could get custom contacts! Totally gonna' hit that place up some time in the future. There was also a place with lots of costumes and wigs and things like that, but they were closed by the time we got there, unfortunately. I'll just have to check it out another time. After that we picked up Shannon and went out for Sushi! It was delicious. X3 My tummy started to hurt a bit, though, so I let Holly finish off my sushi. It was fun, though. We were all being stupid and hilarious. X3 I had a freaking blast.

Thursday we went to Kinkos and Jess and I faxed our resumes to this one place that advertised a job opening. I also made some copies of my resume and cover letter and all that with the intent of passing it out a few places. Jess and I are planning to move out there in a few months, and we figured it would be a good idea to try to get a job. Anyway, Ellen picked us up, and then we headed out to meet Batchix! On the way we stopped at a nifty Japanese market and I bought some snacks and Volume 13 of Trigun Maximum in Japanese. X3 Then we picked up Batchix and she brought her beautiful Sunstreaker and Sideswipe mechboy dolls! They were even more awesome in person than they are in pictures. X3 Once we picked her up we went to another Asian market and they had all kinds of nifty stuff, and even some cool miniatures! I wanted to get some, but I was worried about trying to pack them for the plane trip home. o_o; But I figure I'll have an opportunity to get them once I move out there. ^_^ Instead I settled for 5 pairs of sunglasses, because they were only $1.50 each! SCORE! After that we had dinner at this tasty BBQ restaurant, and then we went to Barns & Noble and looked at all of their nifty stuff. Much fun was had. X3 Then dropped off Batchix and headed back to Holly's place. It seemed like we'd never get back, though, 'cause they had pretty much every exit we would have taken closed. X_x; But eventually we made it back. Ellen dropped us off, and Holly and I had a li'l photo shoot where Ultra Magnus gave 'Bee a bath to clean him of after his fall into the sludge-water.

Friday was a busy dayyy~ We got up as early as we could manage and I made biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Then we went on an EPIC SHOPPING TRIP where we revisited several places we'd already been as well as some new ones and Jess and I got vacation-prizes for people back at home. Eric, Crystal and Mom all liked theirs. X3 Still gotta' meet up with Autumn, Dan, and Rachel to give them their gifties. Then we went to the 3rd Street Promenade and checked out all the nifty shops and stuff there, including this fun toyshop where I got a cute Bumblebee keychain and a Classics Ratchet, and some li'l gifties for Holly, Ellen, and Shannon as a thank-you for being so kind and hospitable. And also 'cause they deserve gifts just for being awesome. X3 After that we went to the pier, which was fun and pretty. ^_^ There were shops and rides and stuff, too, but a big chunk of it was shut down for a private party. 8P It was fun anyway, though. ^_^ We also saw several sites that were used in the filming of the first Transformers movie, which was awesome. X3

Saturday we got up stupid-early so we'd be able to load up all of our stuff and make it to the airport in time to catch out flight. There wasn't as long a line at security as was expected, though, so we got through pretty quickly and also our flight was delayed. XP So we sat around for a few hours before boarding the plane. By the time we got to Denver we had 15 minutes to make our layover flight. We managed it, though, and we got home with no trouble.

I had a great time in California, and I hope to go again soon. Jess and I have been planning, and we think we could move out there as soon as September. I just need to get out of Bloomington. I mean, I like it here. It's a nice town, but I don't want to live my entire life knowing nothing but life in Bloomington. I'll miss my family and everything, but it isn't as though I won't visit around holidays. I just need to try to save up money to move, then line up some living and working arrangements. It will be tricky, but not impossible. As far as I'm concerned, it's going to happen. Ganbatte!!

SO! Today was my last day of work before my VACATION!!! Going to California to chill with Holly and Ellen for an entire week! WOO!! I'm excited about it.

However, today was a freaking awful day at work. Seriously. I was so upset that, had I eaten my lunch, I would have thrown up.

Had to go in early for a meeting, and after the meeting, but before we opened, my boss called me into his office to talk to me. He informed me that, because of the fact that I made a few mistakes recently which caused my drawer to be short (3 separate incidents which totaled $190. Inexcusable, stupid mistakes where I'd typed the wrong number into the program, and as a result ended up giving the customer too much cash back.) in combination with my historically terrible mystery shop scores, and the fact that I cursed in front of a customer (the last time my drawer came up short, when I realized the mistake I'd made, I was so angry with myself that I cursed, not realizing that there was a customer standing a few stations over.) someone from HR was going to come and "have a conversation" with me. Usually when this particular person from HR comes, it means that the individual they're coming to talk to is going to be fired on the spot. So I asked my boss to just tell me now if I'm going to be fired, so I can just go home instead of stressing over it all day. He had me sit down and told me that, what it comes down to is that I have the option to either resign, or sign a disciplinary agreement and continue working in a 30 day zero-tolerance probationary period. Apparently the only reason I wasn't fired months ago, and why I was not being straight-up terminated now is because my boss likes me and knows that I am trying. He said he knows that my personality is pretty much completely at odds with what is expected of a teller in my position in terms sales and customer-interaction. Not that I'm not a nice person or whatever, but my shyness and discomfort with strangers makes it really difficult for me. But even so, he said that I have made a lot of progress in that regard, but he feels like it's a struggle, and he doesn't want me to have to stay in a position where I constantly fight with my own nature and instincts in an attempt to do what is expected of me. I was repeatedly assured that it isn't that I don't have many admirable qualities, but rather that he thinks that my current job "isn't a good fit" for me.

So, I'm not officially fired, but essentially I have about a month to find a new job before I my employment will be terminated. As much as I complain about my job, it still sucks to be forced out of it. It's disheartening, to say the least, to put so much effort into trying to do what is expected of you only to fail miserably time and time again. I can't help but feel completely worthless.

I'm supposed to take my vacation time to "consider my options" and decide ultimately whether want to resign or attempt to get through the 30 day zero-tolerance probationary period (which will most likely end in termination). Honestly, I'm going to do my best not to think about any of this crap while I'm on my vacation. I want to have fun, not spend the whole time stressing.

Screw it all. I just wanna' have fun on my vacation.

...not much going on... Work. Bleh. We should get last month's mystery shop results some time this week. We'll see if my job is still in jeopardy, which I suspect it is. Whatever.

Looked at airline tickets for a flight to LA. Looks like I should save up about $600 for the ticket and the hotel, but I'll try to do $700 to be safe, and I'll prolly need at least $500 or so for a week's worth food and shopping. Mom heard Jess and I discussing our vacation plan, and she couldn't pass up the opportunity to remind us that she generally thinks it's a bad idea for us to go. She's paranoid. She thinks it's too dangerous, and she thinks it's stupid to go across the country to meet up with people who we "don't even know" blah blah blah. Honestly. We're big girls, damnit! We're 25 years old, and we've both had over 4 years of martial arts and self defense training! I'm not some naive little girl who thinks all the world is a freaking playground and nothing bad can ever possibly happen. I realize LA is a big scary city, and it can be dangerous. Whatever. We'll have Holly and Ellen there to show us around. And, worst case scenario, if we somehow never manage to meet up with Holly or Ellen, I'm pretty sure Jess and I can manage to keep from being murdered for a week until we come home. Mom takes for granted the fact that I've inherited a great deal of her paranoia. I won't even talk to strangers in our own stupid little town in broad daylight on a crowded street. I won't answer the door to our house without a golf club in my hand if I don't recognize the person outside (or usually I just lay on the couch out of sight until they go away). Any time someone I don't know approaches me, I instinctively assess the situation to try to think of the best way to temporarily incapacitate them so that I'll have time to run and scream for help. To put it bluntly: STRANGE PEOPLE SCARE ME! With that much paranoia, what the hell are the odds that I'm going to put myself in a situation where I'd be in serious danger? When I already half-expect every other person I meet to try to attack me or rob me, what the hell are the odds I'd be caught off guard? I'm already nervous enough about going to California, but you know what? I'm going! And it's going to be fun, damnit! I'm not going to let my anxiety keep me from going to new places and trying new things! SO THERE! DX

Let's see... also, it was warm today. Like in the high 50s. Melted most of the snow, and I even broke out the hose and the car-washing sponge and gave Jack a BATH! He was SO FREAKING DIRTY!!! Then we drove to Jess's parents' house to pick up Evey, 'cause Jess's step-dad had taken her to changed her oil and washed her. They live pretty far out in the sticks, and the roads were all muddy, so by the time we got there Jack was all muddy and gross again. Sooo, we drove back home and I washed him again. Now he's all clean and pretty. I really need to get his oil changed, but mom shoots me down every time I even bring up the idea of doing it myself or letting Eric do it (she thinks it's too dirty and bothersome and essentially tells me it's stupid to even think about trying to do it at home). However, any shop that would do it is always closed by the time I get off work, and they aren't open on Sundays, so WHEN THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET JACK'S OIL CHANGED!? I'm getting really sick of mom's negativity. I'm off work next weekend, so I'm going to go to the auto-parts store with Eric and have him help me get the right oil and filter and stuff, and then Eric can teach me how to change Jack's oil. There's no reason I shouldn't know how to change the oil in my own car. Soon as Jess gets her car paid off, we're totally going to get our own freaking house. I love mom, and I know she'd be more than happy to let Jess and I live with her forever 'cause we clean up after ourselves and we don't cause her any problems, but you know what? I'm getting tired of her being so negative all the time and treating me like a 5-year-old who doesn't know jack-shit about the world around me. No, I don't know everything, but I'm not naive, either.

Anyway, I'm done grousing. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'm gonna' drag my ass outta' bed, slap a smile on my face, and say "SHIT YEAH! LET'S DO THIS THING!"

WEEE! So I was off work today. I was supposed to be off tomorrow, but they switched my schedule. So I was off today, and I close tomorrow. Which means I won't be able to go to the comic book store and pick up AHM #7 unless I get a late lunch. Anyway, I HOPE I can get that comic. I wanna' see what happens next, damnit!

I didn't get to do anything fun today. I wanted to clean my room and work on my various art projects, but instead I re-wrote my resume, bought a new ink cartridge for the printer so I could print my resume, and then applied for a job online at the Crane Federal Credit Union. I tried to go there so I could drop off a copy of my resume and s letter of reference before they closed, but I didn't manage to get there until they were just closing. So I hung out and waited for Kate, so I could say "hi" at least. Kate used to work at the bank with me, but she got a better job at the credit union. They get to SIT DOWN at work! OMGWTF! THE LUXURY! 8O!! So, I caught Kate on her way out and chatted a bit. And she said she would give my resume and letter of reference to her boss for me, and tell him that I'm awesome and that he should hire me. Kate rules. X3 I hope I get the job. They don't have mystery shops at the credit union. So NYAH!

It snowed again last night, so mom grounded Jack again. But when I went out to get printer ink, the roads weren't bad at all, so I un-grounded him. His stereo wasn't working over the weekend. The radio was fine, but it wouldn't play CDs, so I was just gonna' get him a new stereo with CD player and AUX port. But then when I started him up on Monday, he was playing CDs just fine. So, maybe he was just mad at me for grounding him.... I guess I'll put off getting a new car stereo for a while longer.

IIII'm a li'l drunk! ...Okay, kind-of a lot drunk. Like... not like I can't walk or anything, but typing correctly is hard. lolz. Hot cocktail ftw. On a cold night, I suggest the following cocktail:

Hot Russian! (like a White Russian, but served hot!)
In a coffee mug, combine:
Double-shot of vodka
Double-shot of Kahlua
Hot milk to taste. (I just fill the mug up the rest of the way...)

It tastes like win. It'll also make you want to go to sleeeeeep.

Napz nao.

Sooooooooo, I got my final written warning today at work. If my mystery shop scores don't show major improvement by the end of February, I will be fired. My boss seemed to be almost as upset as I was to be having that conversation. He acknowledged all the extra operations work that I do, and he really appreciates everything I do at work. Apparently every time he has to talk to HR and his bosses about me he tells them that I work my ass off and that I do a really good job, but the problem is that, at our bank, none of that stuff counts for shit if I'm shy, don't make eye-contact, lack confidence, seem "unfriendly", and generally don't seem insanely happy to be at work. So basically, I gotta' get my ass in gear and get another job lined up so I can just give my two weeks notice when my mystery shop results inevitably suck next month. I can save my boss the trouble of firing me, and I can save myself the humiliation. I don't know what more I can do. I've been trying, but DAMNIT! I don't LIKE to make eye-contact with strangers! I don't like talking to people I don't know! It makes me nervous and uncomfortable, especially when I know I'm supposed to try to sell them something and they don't want to hear it. But I TRY! I try to smile and make eye-contact and be chatty, but it apparently isn't enough. Apparently I'm just extremely unlikeable. I don't know how I'm supposed to fix that. I don't know how to make people like me. So I'm going to lose my job. It sucks and it's unfair, but hey, life's not fair and sometimes it sucks. The end.

So. Let's see... since last update... urr... Work still sucks, but I'm dealin' with it.

I got some new action figures: TF:A Blurr, TF:A Swindle, Classics Hound, Classics Cyclonus, and Classics Smokescreen. *score* Now the only ones I need to catch up with releases that I actually want are Legends Beachcomber, Legends Brawn, and TF:A WRECK-GAAARRR!!!! He looks awesome! I srsly wanna' get my paws on him. X3

Jess's birthday is Friday, so I have to clean and make her cake tomorrow, then we're both off and we're gonna' go out with her mom and have lunch and stuff before her party. That'll be fun. ^_^

Went to the comic book store today and picked up TF:ROTF Defiance #1, and Star Trek Countdown #1. Defiance was good. Makes me excited to read the next one, and EVEN MORE EXCITED for the movie! Haven't read Countdown yet. >_>

Got a letter from Rachel today. I won't go into too much detail, because it was to do with her own personal life and demons she's been struggling with. Suffice it to say that she's been though some physical and emotional traumas, and she's been coping with them through various forms of "self medication" for years. I just hope I can be there for her as she starts out on her "road to recovery" so-to-speak, and that she knows how much I love her. I feel like I've failed her as a big sister to this point, and I hope I can step-up and give her the support that she needs, and be the big sister she deserves.

Diet update: Week 2
Weight: -5 lbs.
Total weight loss: 11 lbs.
Remaining above goal: 59 lbs.

Work was dumb today. Not that we were particularly busy, but it was still pretty unpleasant for the most part. To start off, my very first customer of the day was just some guy wanting change, so I got him his change, and then he left really quick before I could get his name. Then my boss comes up and he's like "What was that guy's name again?" and I had to tell him that I didn't know, then he tears into me about how I have no excuse not to get people's names, and he just doesn't know what to do with me, blah blah blah. Then he goes off to his office and comes back a few minutes later with these sheets of paper that he's typed up that have columns that say "Customer Name," "Product Offered," and "Success." Then he tells us all that he wants us to write the name of EVERY CUSTOMER WE HELP, and that we MUST TRY TO SELL EVERY CUSTOMER A BANK PRODUCT (loan, mortgage, checking account, etc.) and we are to write what we tried to sell them next to their name, and then in the last column we're supposed to write if our sale was successful. WHAT THE HELL!? I AM NOT A SALES PERSON!! I NEVER WILL BE!! I'm not going to try to push people in to getting something that they don't want! In order to be successful at sales, you have to push people and manipulate them, and make them think they want whatever it is you're offering. I won't do that. I can't do that. Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel slightly ill. I freaking HATE THIS JOB! I need to get the hell out. As soon as possible. I need to find some other job where there aren't mystery shops, and I don't have to try to sell anyone anything. My odds aren't good, though. The job market here sucks balls. It took me two years to find this job. I don't know what to do. There would probably be more job opportunities if I moved to another town, or another state even, but the thought of being so far away from my family worries me. If someone got sick or hurt, I wouldn't be able to be there for them, and I don't think I could stand that. I don't know. I have to try to figure something out.

In other news, it's flippin' freezing. Literally. It's 10°F outside. And it's supposed to get colder. It sucks.

Alsooo, I took this li'l personality quiz I found on ellensama's journal a while ago.

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( Test Results! )
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I'm gonna' go climb into my warm bed now and try to dream about robots. ~~

Saw Holly's Meez, and decided to re-vamp and post my own. ^_^



Good tiiimes~ I'd make a Marzarelo one, but it costs actual money to get the green skin, sooo... no thanks.

Work wasn't too bad today. My boss actually did pull me into his office to talk to me about my mystery shop score. He basically just said "It's in the past. Nothing we can do about it now. I was disappointed, but I know you were probably more disappointed than anyone else. I know you know what it takes to improve, and I know it doesn't come naturally to you, but I know you can do it. That's all I really have to say about it." Then he went on to apologize to me because apparently there has been some sort of controversy about how he's singling people out and causing "tension" or whatever. I haven't specifically noticed anything like that, but I appreciated that he was concerned. Anyway, work is going okay.

CHRISTMAS TOMORROW!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!

SO! I went to work today, and it was my boss's first day back after his vacation. He was supposed to have another little "talk" with me about my mystery shop scores, buuuuut he didn't. I don't think he's going to. He knows I've been trying, and he knows that last month completely sucked for me, so... yeah. I didn't get fired. ^_^

Saturday I went to the license branch to get my driver's license renewed. W000t. Then mom, my siblings, and I cleaned the house all bloody day long, then we went out for dinner. Sunday I stayed up 'til 5 in the morning cleaning my room and wrapping gifts. I was flippin' exhausted the next day, but I dragged myself out of bed to finish cleaning my room and make pizzas and all kinds of stuff to get ready for my birthday partaaaay. Basically Rachel, Autumn, Dan, and Kate came over, and we ate pizza and cake and played Rock Band 'til 11:00. Autumn and Dan got me a cute little Activator Patrol Bumblebee and a gift certificate to the comic book store! Rachel got me a VHS tape of the old Mary Martin Peter Pan movie! Kate made me a party hat with kitty ears on it, and she got me the TF Infiltration manga and some bags and boards for my comics! Mom got me some pretty earrings and two T-shirts, one with the mustang logo, and one that said "Yes it's fast. No, you can't drive it." LOL! XD And Eric, Jess and Crystal all went together to get me a li'l package of FOR REALZ ENERGON CUBES! 8O!! I'll have to get some pics with them later, but I was astounded. They're about 1" pink cubes with li'l LEDs in them that you can turn on and they're SO CUTE! I can't imagine how much they must have cost, but it must have been a lot if all three of them had to chip in to get them for me! X_x;

Today we had Ivan and his sister over all day. I was at work for most of it, but before I left for work Ivan asked me how old I was. I told him I was 25, and he said "You're almost a grandpa!" That made me giggle all day. X3 After work we had our giant Christmas party that we already have on the 23rd. It was fun! The house was jam-packed with friends and family, and we got to give out gifts, and Ivan was adorable, and Rachel's boyfriend brought his 3-year old son who was also adorable. The children all behaved remarkably well, and Ivan for some reason thinks that I'm going to start training him to sword fight. I dunno where he got that idea, but it's amusing all the same.

Anyway, I have a li'l half-day of work tomorrow, then I'm off 'til Friday! I can't wait. I love Christmas. It's my favorite. Of course, I celebrate it for religious reasons, and also I LOVE to give gifts! I have a hard time making myself stop buying gifts, even after I've gotten something for everyone on my list. I just keep thinking of things that I'd like to get for people! X_x;; ...It was a little bit difficult this year, though, 'cause I'd be out shopping, and I kept seeing things I wanted to get for dad. u_u I miss him. I know he wouldn't want me to spend my Christmas mourning his absence. Dad, with his hippie spirit, was all about spreading love and joy. I can't think of a better time of year for it than this.

I'm gonna' get fired.

We got mystery shop scores for last month finally. I only got 1 shop, and it was a 23%. I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF ANYONE GETTING A SCORE THAT LOW! I mean, you'd practically have to punch the customer in the face and spit on their children to get a score that low! The person pretty much checked "poor" on everything, and then in the comments they said "she seemed distracted and disinterested in helping me. The transaction took a very long time." You know what? I was probably distracted because I was already trying to do 10 things at once, and I was most likely the only person out front because THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME! And I've been trying so hard to try to be cheerful and friendly, no matter how much of a pain in the ass the customers might be. But what the hell does the mystery shopper care if I'm out there alone trying to do everything by my freaking self? I didn't chat them up and kiss their ass, so they get to screw me over 'cause they have the almighty performance evaluation form. Fuck 'em all! I hate my job and I'm getting the hell out of this place as soon as I can, anyway. Just yesterday work was sucking so hard that the only thing I did during my lunch hour was sit and cry and text Jess about how much work sucked.

Also, a package of Christmas gifts I ordered online came yesterday. I opened it to sort them out to the various people they go to only to discover that Ellen's gift was missing. I checked the invoice, and it was on there, and they charged me for it, but it sure as hell wasn't in the freaking box! >_< I really like this website, and I've ordered lots of Christmas gifts from them before. I didn't want to have to send them a pissy e-mail, but I'm not gonna' let them screw me outta' my money, either. I don't like them that much.

Guh. I hate being cranky and pissed off. >_O

Okay, so here's some crap that happened.

I'm like two steps away from getting fired from the bank. An important (apparently the most important) part of my job is "mystery shop scores." That's where a certain few bank customers who come in grade us on our performance and their overall banking experience. Any score below a 90% is considered an unacceptable score. Since I started working at the bank, I've only had 1 score over 90%, and most of my scores have been in the 70s or lower.

The shoppers' complaints about me have been: didn't make enough eye-contact, seems nervous, lacks confidence, looks down a lot, didn't make a positive statement, is quiet, lacks enthusiasm, etc...

After several months of bad scores, my boss finally couldn't make excuses for me anymore and had to give me a written warning. He had to pull me into his office and have a meeting about it and everything. After that, I had to go sit in the back room and cry for a half-hour or so because I felt like a useless piece of crap. I don't know what the hell they expect of me. As far as I can tell I'm being perfectly pleasant when I'm dealing with the customers, but apparently I just don't know how to interact with other human beings. I apparently exceed expectations in all other aspects of my job, but all that doesn't count for crap if I can't get 90% on mystery shops. Our branch has the lowest mystery show percentage in the entire bank, and it's all because of me.

A few days later my boss pulled me into the back room to have me do service-manager stuff, cause the service manager had the day off. So he shows me what to do, and we have a short conversation that went something like this:

Boss: ...Okay? Great. You know, there's a reason I have you back here doing this stuff.
Me: Is it 'cause I'm obsessive compulsive?
Boss: ...yes.
Me: *lol*
Boss: Well, you pay attention to details, and that's important. ...Oh, and I just wanted to say... Bravo. I've seen you with the customers lately, and you've been doing great. I can tell you're making an effort, and you wanna' do a good job, and you've been doing great. And... just so you know, about the other day... that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do as a manager. I know how much it bugs you, and you wanna' do a good job. You're really trying, and I can tell. And we really like having you hear, I mean, when you're not here...we really notice...

I thought that was really nice. I like my boss. I think he's a really nice guy. He even makes a point to give me the early shift on Wednesdays so that I can get off work in time make it to the comic book store. And I know he hates having to give me any sort of negative feedback. He knows I'm trying, and he appreciates the effort. He even notices things that my previous employers have taken to granted, like the fact that I do everyone else's little bits of paperwork for them and take up the slack when they cut corners. Or the fact that I DO NOT LEAVE MY STATION AT ALL during the day except for my lunch, while everyone else wanders off periodically through the day to get drinks and food and crap (often leaving me to run the entire teller line myself). I don't really mind doing these things, but it would probably piss me off if it weren't for the fact that my boss notices that I do it, and doesn't take it for granted. I really need to find a job that I don't hate, though. That would be nice... but I'm beginning to think that no such job exists.

My car is doing great, all except for the fact that the belt on the engine has started SQUEAKIIING! So like... I start up my car, and it goes SQUEEDL-EEDL-EEDL-EEDL-EEDL-EEE~. I've had it looked at, and no one can seem to make it stop squealing. There's nothing wrong with the belt, it just... inexplicably squeaks most of the time. It annoyed me at first, and I felt kinda' embarrassed to be toolin' down the street in this sexy-lookin' car that was making piece-of-crap car noises. People even say they hear me coming from nearly a block away because of it. But, after a couple months, it's kinda' started to grow on me. It's just one of those things that gives my car character. Eric has even dubbed him "Squealjack."

Also, I got a new phone. It's much more awesome than my old phone. Unlike my old phone, it plays mp3s, I can make custom ringtones and wallpapers for it, it has a camera, it has a full key-pad, and it has UNLIMITED TEXTING! XD I've been playing with it for the past couple days. Making ringtones is fun, and I can set the phone to play them as alarm-sounds! Much more effective for waking me up, because once my brain starts to tune one out as white-noise that I can sleep through, I can change it to a different one. Right now it's set to wake me up with "Master Exploder." The part that goes "Sorry... I DID NOT MEAN...TO BLOW YOUR MIND...BUT THAT SHIT HAPPENS TO ME... ALL THE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEEE!!!" So it's loud and violent enough to wake me up, but at least it apologizes first, so I feel less inclined to throw it across the room....

I sleep nao.