As of today, it has officially been a year since daddy passed away. An entire year. It seems so daunting to go that long without him, but day by day I seem to have managed. I do miss him, though, and I still cry almost every time I think about him. I feel like I should do something to commemorate him, but I'm not sure exactly what. I kind of want to surround myself with things that remind me of him, or do something that we used to do together. I don't know. I'll think of something, but right now I need to stop crying like a stupid little girl and go to bed so I can get up for work in the morning.

So some stuff happened. I’ll start with the bad stuff, so I can end on a positive note.


We got a call last night and found out that Crazy Steve died. I’ve never talked about Crazy Steve in any of my previous journal entries ‘cause I’ve hardly seen him for the past 10 years or so, but he used to live with us around my late grade school/junior high years. Mom rented the room upstairs to him. He was a trucker, though, so he wasn’t home most of the time. Over all he was a nice guy, and he meant well, but he had a lot of problems. He drank a lot, and he was on A LOT of prescription medication from several different doctors. Life wasn’t terribly kind to him. He had been a genuine doorstep-baby. I mean he was actually left on a doorstep when he was a baby, and then grew up in a catholic orphanage. Most recently he had been staying with Layla’s mom until she finally had to kick him out because of his drinking, and he had gone to Wisconsin because he’d gotten a new job with a trucking company out there. Apparently he just keeled over a couple of days after he arrived there. Our nearest guess is that he died of liver failure or possibly a heart attack. His is a sad and tragic tale. I hope he’s happier where he is now than he was here on Earth.


In brighter news, Autumn’s wedding reception was yesterday, and that was extremely fun. I’m so happy for Autumn and Dan! They’ve been together so long, it exciting that they’re finally married! Autumn looked great in her dress. I’m glad she was able to find someone to make it for her. It turned out great! I snapped a couple pics of her and Dan from the reception, and a video of them cutting their cake. It was great. X3

Autumn and Dan ~ <3 *Pic One* *Pic Two*
Autumn and Dan cut their cake
And in case anyone is curious, here’s the design pic for Autumn’s dress so you can compare and see how nicely it turned out. (It’s the design on the top)

If you want to congratulate Autumn and Dan on their wedding, you can drop a comment on Autumn’s Livejournal or Autumn’s Gaia Profile X3 ~ <3

I hope Autumn doesn’t mind me posting these in my journal. >_>; Autumn, if you read this, I’ll take ‘em down if you don’t like it. ^_^;; I just wanted to share your happy day with people. X3 ~ <3

So yesterday Jess and I went for a walk after she got off work. We just walked to borders to have coffee, and then we walked home. However, on the way home, just as we were getting ready to turn onto our street, we saw a van go by towing the yellow bug from across the street, whom I’d affectionately dubbed “The Bumble-bug,” away, stuffed with boxes and bags of garbage.

We got home to find Eric and mom out in the yard, and I ran up to them bemoaning Bumble-bug’s fate. Apparently they had witnessed the entire ordeal as the neighbors stuffed Bumble-bug with garbage, then pushed him out into the road and struggled to push him up onto the trailer. I guess Eric even helped them push him up onto the trailer. He said it crossed his mind to ask if we could keep Bumble-bug, since they were clearly hauling him off to the dump, but mom refused because she didn’t want a trashed-out dead bug sitting in the yard.

So there it is. The end of The Bumble-bug.

Oh Bumble-bug...I pine for you...~ *pout*

I know I’m never very descriptive of my immediate family in any of my journals or anything, but I have my reasons for that. One is because I don’t want to give out any information about them over the internet. Another reason is because my actual relationships to my immediate family members can be kind of confusing, and it can take a while to explain. To make it simple, I made a little diagram:
*Click for pic*
The bottom row is me and my siblings. They may not all be blood relations, but I’ve grown up with them and I love them all just as much as my biological brother. That being said, this entry is really about my younger brother. It’s because of him that this past summer will be ingrained in my memory for as long as I live.

I was on my break at work when my mom came and found me. She’s visited me at work before, but for some reason I knew the instant I saw her that something was wrong. She sat next to me at told me that Miles had been missing since the night before. People had gone out looking for him but they’d only found his bike by the lake. Then that morning, police had found the body of a teenaged boy in the lake. His mother refused to go identify the body, so we had to wait for them to use dental records to confirm. So, I left work early, and Mom and Jess and I went and met Rachel at Robin’s house to wait for Layla to come home from day camp, because we wanted to be there for her when she got the news.

Layla wasn’t upset at first, because the way it was presented to her was “oh, they found a body in the lake, but they don’t know if it’s Miles. It might not be.” So she just dismissed the idea that it might be him. Mom, Jess, Rachel and I took Layla out for ice cream because we didn’t want her to have to be alone all night with Robin if Robin decided to go ballistic. So we were sitting at Jiffy Treat when Rachel got a call saying that they had found Miles’s wallet and shoes by the dam. That’s what really made it sink home to Layla, and she completely lost it in Jiffy Treat. After that we convinced Robin to let us take Layla to a close family friend’s house so that she could have some people closer to her own age, who loved her and her brother, to play with. She kept going back and forth all night between being happy and laughing and crying her eyes out.

It wasn’t until the end of the week that they finally positively identified Miles’s body using his dental records. The next day his picture was on the front page of the paper. Every time I sold someone a newspaper at work, I had to look at his smiling face and it made me cry. He was so close to turning 18. Then he could have moved out, started his own life, and things could have started to be okay for him. It’s been around 5 months now, and I still can’t even think about him without crying. Ever time I see a group of grungy teenagers walking around town, I still look to see if one of them is him before I remember. He was such a good, sweet person. He deserved so much better than the life he got stuck with.

We didn’t have an actual funeral for him. He didn’t want one. He said he wanted people to have a party instead, and that no one was allowed to wear black. So, we had a party, at the under-age club where he used to play in several bands over the years. I have the big red bass guitar that my older brother Eric gave him. It’s sitting him the spare room because he’d been playing another bass for a while, and he hadn’t been by to get it. Eric said I could have it (though I doubt he’ll remember saying that). I want to learn to play it. I don’t think I could ever be as good as Miles or Eric, but I think if Miles would want me to try anyway. I think if he were still here, he might try to teach me. He was amazingly talented, and he loved music. I think music would be the best way to honor his memory.


Live and love
Smile at complete strangers
Sing loudly and joyfully
Wether you can carry a tune or not
Live today as if there will be no tomorrow
Hug your loved ones
Hug a tree
Don’t be afraid to be yourself
No matter how odd you might be