Today wasn't fun. And for once in a long while, it had nothing to do with issues at work. About an hour into work I got an e-mail from Jess (oldest little sister) telling me that my youngest sister Layla's mother (Robin) had died. I freaked out and swore, but luckily there were no customers around, so my boss just shrugged it off. I was instantly worried about Layla. I went into the back room and called mom, and she told me that she didn't have a lot of information, but that they were working on it.

Later on I got some more information. Apparently Robin's death wasn't recent. She passed away on May 31st in the hospital. We didn't know about it because Robin's former boyfriend didn't want anyone to know, because he knew that if people found out that and orphaned minor was living in a house with some man who was neither related to her nor legally her guardian (and some other woman who moved in to Robin's house with him), Child Protective Services would get involved. And as long as Layla lived there with them, they would continue to collect the social security checks that Layla has been receiving since her father's death.

Already I didn't like the idea living with these two people who are complete strangers to me, and the more I have thought about that situation, I become simultaneously more angry with them, and more heartbroken for Layla. They told her not to tell anyone about her mom. Her mother died, and she couldn't talk to anyone about it! She just had to carry on with her life as though nothing had happened. After all she's been through in her life. Her father's death, her mother's drug use and psychosis, her brother's death, and now her mother dies and she is forced to hide it. At a time when she needed love and comfort and support more than anything, she was forced to keep her pain to herself and suffer alone. I can scarcely bare to think about it. It makes me ill just to think that I wasn't there when Layla needed me most. None of us were there. These two people kept Layla isolated from us. We had no idea until their neighbor finally found out what happened today and went straight to see Rachel (my middle-little sister) at work to tell her. I want to hate them. I want to hurt them for what they did. I want to break their noses and punch them in the chest until they can't breath for leaving Layla to suffocate in her anguish. But I can't. I'm too much of a coward to hurt anyone. I'm angry, but I'm too soft to hate. I can't hate them because Layla cares about them. She loved her mother, and she loves these two people, and she does what they say because she's just a good little girl who wants to be loved in return, craves approval and doesn't want to disappoint.

I spent most of the day at work checking my e-mail every chance I got. Checking my phone every couple minutes in case someone had called and I missed it. I was anxious for any update on the situation. I got a few sporadic bits of information throughout the day. Enough to put the picture together and make me fret and rage alternately all day long. Eventually mom called and informed me that she and Rachel had Layla, and they were in the process of filing for Rachel to get custody of her. So as of this moment, Rachel has custody of Layla. Unless something goes wrong with the paperwork or something, I think it's going to stay that way. It sucks that Rachel now has to have the added stress of being the legal guardian for her 14-year-old sister at the age of 24, but I think it will be for the best. Rachel is an amazing person, and I think she relates better to Layla than the rest of us most of the time. I'm sure being with Rachel will help her a lot, but I hope I'll get to see Layla soon. I just want to hug her and let her know how much I love her.

Eventually I got off work, and when I came home Mom, Jess, Eric (my big brother) and Crystal (my sister-in-law) were all there, and we all had a nice long ranting session. Then we went to the store and bought a pile of food and engaged in some intensive stress eating. Now I'm going to go to bed because I have opening shift tomorrow, I'm exhausted, and I have a headache.